Thursday, June 23, 2011

Chauncey Gardner at the Fed

I happened to catch a CNBC headline last evening entitled Firms Have Record $800 Billion of Cash But Still Won't Hire.

Hmmm.... so U.S. companies have record cash now do they? And they won't hire?

Forget for a moment the obvious question that only an Ivy league MBA holding, 2+2=6 Wall St. analyst would forget to ask which is how can the economy grow without jobs? The question I, and the hot dog vendor, want to know regarding that $800 billion.... is it net cash? You know, compared to what level of debt?

Now that hot dog vendor outside Lehman's former HQ and I apologize for such a simplistic question but you can rest assured the likes of Summers, a Rubin, or an Altman and the rest of Wall St. would never ask that as it might interfere with the markets greater ponzi ... oops I meant to say their rackets... ooops I meant to say the country's greater good. It has to be when it comes from those U.S. flag lapel pin wearing patriots.

Maybe da boyz on Wall St. can drop kick the indices far enough to extort QE 3 and 4 before bonus calculation time so they can keep their trophy wives from ditching them for fancier confines for at least another year. Might I suggest da boyz manufacture a few more days like yesterday and this morning(as the pre-market futures indicate), coupled with a 300 pt down day thrown in for good measure and presto, the Pavlovian dogs on their banking leashes react on cue.

In other less meaningful news I also happened to catch some of Bernanke's speech yesterday that the Fed has slashed their growth forecasts and sees unemployment remaining high. It was quite the comedy show. Check out this doozy:

“We don’t have a precise read on why this slower pace of growth is persisting.”

You don't?
Maybe it was the weather?
Speaking of weather it it me or does it feel like Chauncey Gardner from the movie 'Being There' is running things at the Fed? Sadly, we actually might stand a chance with poor Chauncey there.

I thought for sure Ben 'Chauncey Gardner' Bernanke said there would be growth in the spring? You mean he doesn't know? Maybe Bernanke can call the maestro Greenspan for some answers, better yet, he could call the likes of Summers, Rubin, Altman and Co. as they have so many answers. Yes more stimulus (code for debt) and if that doesn't work you simply pile on more debt. It is never enough. And when that doesn't work you claim that you're still as brilliant as you always were and secure a couple corporate board memberships. Or hey you can go to work at private equity/hedge funds where you can help orchestrate the shuffling of paper to buy companies you have no idea how to run from people that do (think Cerberus, Chrysler and Daimler for a primer) Yes there is no end to the supply of morons, simply no end.

What would I know.

So while corporations will hire the likes of Summers, Rubin, Altman and Co. for their boards, I am adding the hot dog vendor to my board of directors so I can check back in with the hot dog vendor for his sound counsel.

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